A gay student's struggle: 'I am in an incredibly dangerous situation'

The first thing Leroy* looked up on google when he chose a new study abroad program? "I literally searched 'safest countries for homosexuals,'" he says. He himself knew at a young age that he was attracted to men. "Although I didn't even have a word for it at the time."

In high school, others started calling him gay. "Then I started researching, and I thought, oh okay, a lot makes sense now." In Eritrea, he says, homosexuals are completely excluded from society. "That goes so far that they wouldn't serve me in the store if they knew I was gay. They would disgrace me, pretend I don't exist."

Homosexuality is also illegal by law in Eritrea: previously, sexual acts with someone of the same sex were punishable by 3 years in prison. In the country's new criminal law, it is as much as five to seven years.

Leroy himself says that as a high school student, this is why he had to put on a mask. To an extreme degree. "I couldn't be myself. I behaved completely different than I am, agreed with everyone for example. Even with people I didn't agree with at all. I did everything not to deviate from the rest."

Hiding who he was had major socio-emotional consequences. He struggled with persistent suicidal thoughts, he says. "Mentally, I was in the worst possible place. Still, I wanted to see how things could be different before I ended it."

He began forging a plan for the future. That led to that Internet search, where Holland came out as an option. "I was looking for a place where I had the freedom to be myself. Where I didn't have to put on a mask and could live my own life."

That place eventually became Saxion, specifically the Creative Media and Game Technologies (CMGT) degree program. The study - and the place - were everything he had hoped for, and actually much more. 

Choosing CMGT, Saxion and joining study association XP was the best decision of his life, he says. "This was really the best thing I could ever do. The community of this study feels like a family. It really is the safest place I could have wished for, a large group of originally introverted people who feel so safe together that they suddenly become extroverts."

For the first time in his life Leroy crawled out of his shell, entered into relationships, made real contact, he says. And he felt safe. Until this year. For Leroy's family stopped transferring his tuition. And that has major consequences.

Tuition

At first Leroy thought this was because his family suspects what his sexual orientation is. Although that is not expressed; the shame and risk of social exclusion, including for the family, is too great for that.

Later, he found out the real reason: through contact with a family member, he discovered that his family is struggling financially and simply can no longer afford to pay for his studies, although he says they will never say that out of shame. "In Eritrea, it's very important to keep up appearances," he says.

So Leroy is in deep trouble: he can no longer afford his tuition. As a student from a country outside the European Union, he pays the institutional fee. At Saxion, that fee is now set at 8,600 euros a year. He cannot afford this himself. A foreign student is allowed to work a maximum of 16 hours per week in the Netherlands.

Those who do not pay their tuition fees will eventually be disenrolled. For Leroy, this not only means that he cannot finish his studies. For him, it means that he would lose his residence permit. That is tied to his status as a student.

Emergency Fund

Through contacts with a student counsellor , Leroy is now making every effort to obtain additional resources through funds. For this year, he succeeded. Sort of. Saxion actually has an emergency fund, for students who can no longer pay their tuition. Leroy was told this month that he can appeal to the fund for this academic year. But it's not easy: it's a loan, and the money must be repaid in installments before September. "It's really an emergency loan, whereas my problem is permanent," he said.

He is saved for this year, although he is left with a hefty loan, the question of how he will pay it back remains. Moreover, he is not out of the woods: for next academic year there is still no solution for him and he still has to get the institutional tuition of 8,600 euros a year from somewhere.

Leroy is in talks with the director of his academy ACT. "Maybe something will come out of that," he said. Director Arjan Zemann says that this is a personal situation and therefore it is difficult for him to comment on the case. "What I can say is that we are having a very good conversation with this student and trying to help him in many ways." And for Leroy, encouragingly, "We are confident that this is going to work out."

Should all else fail, there is one last, for Leroy very last option. He could apply for refugee status, but that has major implications. He would no longer be able to work, for example. He would, however, possibly be entitled to lower tuition. He would also then have to move out of his current home, Leroy says. And he would cut off all his ties to his home country, family and acquaintances in Eritrea. "Everything I have now, I would then have to give up. But it is an option, as the very very last way out."

He is afraid. Very afraid, he says. "I'm in an incredibly dangerous situation. It feels like I'm standing on thin, cracking ice." So now he tells this story. Despite the potential risks it poses to him and his family. In fact, there is also another, bigger motive for telling his story, he says. A reason that is very important to him. He is not the only one in this situation, he thinks. "There are others as well. Those I think feel very alone. I want them to know that they are not the only ones."

*Leroy is not this student's real name. His real name is known to the (chief) editors, but in this case we chose to make it anonymous, in order to minimize the security risk. In consultation with Leroy, we do mention his studies; he himself would like that. "I think it's important for my story."

This article briefly discusses suicide. Do you need help? Then you can contact the 113 Suicide Prevention Foundation at 0900-0113 (available 24/7) and 113.nl.